Getting Lost and Finding It

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    nickydee

    Published on Jan 18, 2023
    About :

    The door

     
    I've kinda fallen in love with you already
    you know

    I mean

    I know you're there and I'm here
    and she's there and I'm not

    and I don't even know you anyway

    so this probably isn't any kind of love
    worth making official with ceremony
    or acknowledgement by society
    or cementing in property

    Proper-ly

    but it's the kind of love worth writing about
    I think
    as I walk along the empty street
    towards home

    because it doesn't come with any of those conditions
    and so it's going to never end
    even though it can’t be true
    for them

    so it’ll also probably never really begin
    or get started up
    but I kinda love you already
    anyway

    because you're me

    I know
    and it’s okay

    you're only me
    I'm talking to
    until I get to know you -
    if I do.

    See?

    but I'm not allowed to

    it might be considered a sin
    or something
    or just plain old bad
    if a person wasn't that way
    inclined

    I ask you

    how can any kind of love be bad?

    but I also know
    I don't need to ask you this

    I walk past the house that’s not a home as I think

    too lost in thought
    and writing this
    all in my head
    to see
    even though it's usually
    when I see most clearly

    sometimes you need to stop seeing
    so your vision can clear

    I walk so far past the gate
    that I'm surprised when I see the door

    It brings me to a sudden stop
    and these thoughts stop as suddenly

    have I been here before?

    I squint
    hoping what I’m seeing is true and right

    without my store bought lenses on

    it is her

    Perhaps I do have some icons left
    to remember

    after all

    I stand there staring for a moment
    while I take her in

    then I begin to move instinctively again

    as my curiosity overcomes
    my shame

    of the possibility of being impolite

    it isn't only her
    stuck in the middle

    it's her everywhere and all over

    I wonder who lives in this house
    and I know I’m going to meet them

    one day

    the door is closed tight
    and the house feels
    abandoned

    perhaps it's a part-time place I think
    as I walk on still confused

    unaware I'm lost again

    but as I look back
    I see a window
    left open

    that reveals she is Home

    I know she is a woman
    I know she's an artist
    I know she's weary of people
    I know she prefers her solitude
    because she's feels differently

    But I also know that's what makes her an artist
    and I know she's happy
    now

    alone in that house
    that is her Home

    content
    to keep the front door locked
    up tight enough
    for it to say clearly
    that it's not worth knocking
    anymore

    she's left this message on her door

    to let people know
    who
    and what
    she is before

    they do

    she's accepted
    she doesn't see things quite the same way
    or feel them like that anyway

    I hope they hear her
    through the busy noise of the pretending

    Frieda must have been some kind of something, huh?

    Being so much
    of who she was
    at a time like that in the world

    I would knock on her door as well
    were I courageous enough

    to meet her
    where she chose

    to Live

    Tags :

    wednesdaywalk art travel recovery personal-growth love pob proofofbrain minimalism

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