👮 Worst Cambodian Security Guards Ever 🤦‍♂️ Damaged Tuk-Tuk, Washing Machine, & Zero Apologies 👎


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    Published on Jun 21, 2022
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    Even though we've frequented the Phkar Chhouk Tep Hotel for years, we will never be staying there again because of some serious incompetence.

    An Unwelcome Departing Gift 😡


         This hotel has always been our go-to place for years when visiting Phnom Penh, mostly because the place has security guards, it's conveniently located, and although the rooms are not that clean, they're affordable and not disgusting. I carefully parked tuk-tuk with the rear-end facing in to keep our washing machine and motorbike out of the rain because we couldn't fully close all the rain flaps.


         When I walked downstairs to begin preparing the tuk-tuk for our 360km trip back home, I discovered that my tuk-tuk was missing. After wandering around thinking it might've been stolen under the noses of 4 security guards, one guy pointed for me to walk across the street towards a parking garage where I found my tuk-tuk parked in the open, something that could've been a problem had there been a rainstorm during the night.

    Rage Beginning To Build 🌋


         I was very upset that the security guards moved my tuk-tuk without permission or reason, especially because of the massive amount of parking spaces available. I was going to forget about it until I noticed my mirrors were bent and one of the welds cracked on my driver's side mirror mount. Obviously the guards had moved my 1/2 ton tuk-tuk by using pushing on the weakest possible part. This would now be the second time the driver's side mirror needed to be rewelded, so my morning was quickly getting a bit red.


         When I looked inside I noticed the washing machine was tipped over and laying on its glass door, and to avoid rage I tried to convince myself a dog had gotten into the tuk-tuk and done this, and my mirrors were bent because a drunk guy must've clipped them while walking past at night. After 5 minutes I realized I wasn't going to be able to trick myself and that my plans to depart at 5am had been dashed. I now had a serious problem on my hands, and perhaps several hundred dollars worth of damage.

    Plans Dashed 😠


         I began taking photos and documenting everything for potential legal reasons, and I called over the security guards to ask how many of them had taken part in this bonehead move. None of them took responsibility, refused to contact any of the previous shift's employees, and and also began whispering among themselves and laughing about my situation. This pissed me off beyond belief, so I went back to the hotel to report the incident.


    Living In Idiocracy 😞

         I should mention I was already running low on sleep after being in a crash the previous night, where a moto food delivery attempted to pass us between on the righthand side in the 8-inch space of road between the sidewalk and our tuk-tuk. He clipped my passenger mirror, got off balance, and hit a raised stormdrain outcropping, motorbike did some dramatic spins, driver went down, etc. I looked at Pov knowing that stopping would involve the driver demanding money from me, but I wanted to make sure he was injury-free.

         As soon as I arrived on the scene after pulling over and the guy saw I was a "whitey," he wanted $200 for his $30 smartphone that he smashed in the crash. He had already flagged down another couple on a motorbike who also claimed I hit him. He also walked to the store on the corner and began telling the shop owner about the foreigner that just crashed him. I immediately regretted stopping, the guy was clearly going to use cheap tricks to try and get his way. I let the whole thing play out until I lost my patience and cussed him out.

         I let him know even though I am a stupid foreigner, I know the rules of the road like the back of my hand because we stupid foreigners have to take actual driving tests. I reminded him that he came from behind, passed without signaling, passed on the wrong side, and veered back in too early without signaling. I let him know that if we're gonna play this game for hours, and I demanded $30 for the paint damage done to my tuk-tuk, and let him know I'm ready to get the police involved.

         The police would almost certainly take his side, but I made it clear I was going to my grave without giving him a cent, even if lawyers need to get involved, etc. Of course I was bluffing, at least about the lawyer/court crap, but that whole mess was a solid hour of arguing and shouting at multiple being extremely racist and just generally sh*tty humans.

    Escalate If They Don't De-escelate 📈


         Anyhow, back to his hot mess at the hotel that happened only 8 hours later. I just gave you some background to make you understand how exponentially enraged I was at this whole new morning problem. We knew it would take a full day of driving to get home if we left at 5am, and these security guards ruined our plans entirely. The hotel houses hundreds of guests, so I backed up my tuk-tuk the main doors, partially blocking the entrance as if to challenge the security guards, and I began unloading all of my tuk-tuk's contents into the lobby of the hotel, of course while loudly shouting about the details of the incident for all guests to hear.

         I was escalating the situation because the management and employees refused to take responsibility nor provide me the appropriate necks to choke. They began to get disturbed and tell me they had a policy about bringing motorbikes into the lobby. I put the kickstand down and let them know I have a policy about people breaking my sh*t without my consent. I then ripped my washing machine out and cartwheeled it over the nearest power socket to see if it was broken or not. After some tense moments I eventually determined the machine was still functional, albeit full of dents. We then spent an hour reloading the tuk-tuk while blocking the main doors of the hotel with our parking location.

    The Universe Still Has A Sense Of Humor 🌌


         After getting the tuk-tuk reloaded with zero help from the hotel staff or security guards who were mysteriously all missing while I was causing a scene in the lobby, I let them all know my years of patronage were over, and I will never recommend anyone stay there ever again. After an hour on the road my "check oil" light came on and I had to unload all of the tuk-tuk's contents one more time to access the hatch and oil filler. In the process of reloading the tuk-tuk after our unplanned picnic stop, I hurt my back, drenched my third change of clothes, then put on a shirt I was previously using to blow my nose with, then drove 12 hours back to Steung Kach while in major pain.

         I did get to enjoy this strange James Bond mobile, apparently with 007 written backwards so the driver can read it while reversing into a giant mirror. At least the universe still has a sense of humor....


    Monkey B
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