Reflections and Ramblings. Vlog #8

There was a point in time in my where I gave it all up. Gave away all my possessions, walked away from a 100-220k a year job and had nothing but a change of clothes, a weeks supply of canned beans with a copy of the book Bhagavad Gita translated by A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada in hand. I ventured off to San Francisco with three Buddhist monks after getting the typical message to save the World and move to Hawaii. It wasn't Hawaii but it sure the HELL was not Las Vegas. I was going to go serve a Krishna temple in Berkley, California.

Yeah, I was in my 20s and totally living in a hippie house. We were smoking all types of weed and I was having great sex with my friends female friends. We were dumpster diving and feeding homeless people while being merchants to the college kids. There was a lot going on and yeah I made some bad choices but they were fun choices. Ultimately, I took it too far and was growing in my room with some of my Mexican Mafia-ish buddies from High School. Long story short that did not end well when the local gangsters found out about it. All of a sudden there is 6'4 Mexican homies that just got out of LA county playing bodyguard at my house. Maybe there was psychedelics involved maybe not I forget... But yeah Krishna totally came into my life and sent me on this journey of self discovery. I was shown a way out of a bad situation while being given the keys to the universe. It was truly a magical experience. I had to serve this entity that came into my life and showed me the Universe while ushering me to saftey.

I was ushered out of Vegas by these three monks it was trippy. They were tripped out on me. They were telling all about how I was on a quest that they were jealous of. Something about being chosen or something. They were saying I was on some mystical path that they had only ever read about. I was like a character in a book for them that they never thought they would meet. These monks felt it was their duty to provide a safe travel for me to San Francisco to go on some psychotic quest to save the world and serve in a temple in Berkley, California. I didn't know what I was doing just that there was this deity who loved me enough to guide me to safety and to show me an aspect of life I had never knew existed.

Long story short I was preaching the Bhagavad Gita to the people in San Francisco. To this day almost 15 years later I have gangsters in Washington Square park, who were kids when I knew them, telling me my words were like water and probably helped kept them out of trouble.

I ended up living on the streets of North Beach San Francisco. It was fun. Anything I needed I prayed for and got it. Food, shelter whatever I needed I got. A simple prayer was all I needed. I learned how powerful I was when aligning with the Universe and praying to God. It gets complicated trying to explain what God is and what these psychotic powers were/are. I was like a some kind of weird vessel for God out there. I was getting messages left and right to do this and go there and meet this person etc.

I lost it all though because I wanted a woman. I was told by God that the keys to the Kingdom were mine to be had but if I went down this path of wanting a woman I would lose it all and experience so much suffering but be 10x more richer for the experience. I found that woman and boy was she fun but fast forward 15 years later, many women later, two kids lost forever and my entire life essentially destroyed, that I had built up with my ego, destroyed by my own friends, family and coworkers. I can do nothing but laugh now and praise God. Praise God for everything I was shown to be true that He warned me would happen.

The last 15 years man was quite the ride involving my ego and forgetting how truly important God is. I forgot. I lost it all. But now I feel I am getting it back. Lately, well for the past year or so give or take I have been feeling and seeing my mother and my dear friend Mark who passed away as well as others in my life who are no longer here. I see them, I feel them and hear them. Maybe it is the PTSD maybe not. Maybe I am bat shit crazy but yeah... But I keep being told to keep going. To not stop. Stop what and where am I going??? Random.

But there really is no message but to not smoke weed anymore and get to Boise, Idaho. It is weird. The ability to manifest my thoughts are coming back. I am seeing the universe unfolding in magical ways. But I do not know what to do or how to handle it. I have no lust for life. I want to exercise but eh, I want to get a job in the community but eh, I want to maybe have a healthy relationship with a woman but eh. I want to still Hive and read a book. It seems weird. I have no ambitions anymore. I have goals. I feel like I achieved a lot by not smoking cannabis anymore and making it to Idaho. But what next? Is it farming? Eh, seems like maybe not cause I see people getting ripped off for their time and money just like what I experienced in Vegas and California. Who knows. But there is something... Homeless people here is abundant and a serious issue. I am getting the urge to go homeless again lol. I feel like I can harness this power of God again and show the people how this power is within them but by being the example. But ehhhh that seems really stupid but is it? Is it stupid to want to dive into that world again or to even have these thoughts? I feel like life is not worth living in this society. Its all bullshit. The only thing that makes sense for me now is God and I feel like God is out there on the streets with the common folk. Am I sick in the head or what? I don't know what is up with me.

I have yet to read this book from @sgt-dan, Enders game and this book I aim to read. So perhaps I need to finally get past chapter 2.