Hive Open Mic #87: Different Thoughts


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    Published on Dec 09, 2021
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    "Where're you going, my Cyn?"

    Hastily grabbing her purse and sliding her tennies half-on, she scowled. These sneakers were brand new and in her haste to leave, she had bent the backs down. They'd never fit right again. Why the hell was she focused on shoes when her heart was tearing in two?

    Turning to him, Cynthia's hair drifted across her brow. Cayd had always brushed her hair back. It had been the first touch he tentatively dared towards her, years prior. If only she could go back to that day and warn them both that only hurt would visit and revisit them on this carousel. Even after it all, she desperately longed to feel his touch right now.

    Instead, she raked her hair angrily behind her ear. "Cayd, we've circled around and around. You can't keep pulling me back in when I'm on my way out the door. We are completely different."

    "I love you."

    Sigh "I know." She paused, her hand on the doorknob for the thousandth time. She had waited for those words for an eternity, but for some reason he could only say them when she reached her limit. It wasn't that he didn't want to. He wanted to, with all his heart.

    But that was the problem.

    It was the most broken and bruised heart she had ever seen.

    He didn't know how to be what she needed, and she couldn't be what retreated towards. They loved deeply but they thought differently. If he could have met her half-way, she would have held his hand and followed him to the ends of the earth. But he couldn't. He just couldn't.

    Worse, he wouldn't ever end it between them. He couldn't have her thinking she was the problem. He knew he was the problem, and damn it - he would keep trying.

    Or so he fooled himself into thinking.

    Because the bottom line was - every day was a conscious choice to march towards her or retreat away, and in his constant retreat - she was alone. She could see clearly what he refused to acknowledge.

    • If she made him happy, she would lose all that she was.
    • If he made her happy, it would force him beyond his barriers. The sheer terror of that was enough to keep him sliding back to his careless, cold comfort zone.

    "I'm at the edge, Cayd. If you can promise me that this is it - that I've reached you, that you're willing to trust me and stop shutting me out, I'll stay." She trembled uncontrollably. She wanted to hear the words so badly. If he said the words, she would try again. "I will. I'll stay. But damn it, you have to trust me. I can't keep doing this. It's making me insane, Cayd. Do you see me? Do you care?"

    He did.
    He saw.
    He cared.
    He loved.

    "Cayd," she whispered, voice shaking.

    But he couldn't breathe.

    "Say something," she pleaded softly.

    And he couldn't speak.

    "Then I give up."

    He couldn't lift his eyes, but the metallic click of the doorknob told him all he needed to know. His love had walked out of his door, his home, his life - but would never leave his heart.

    I wrote that story to accompany the song I sang for Hive Open Mic #87; the theme was "Different Thoughts" this week. I hope that it puts you in the right mood to hear this song. Feel free to go back and read it WHILE listening to the song again if you like. It might feel nice to hear music that accompanies the story! All the voices you hear on the song are mine. (I love singing harmony 🙂) Hope you enjoy this heart-breaking song. I sure did love to sing it for you.

    Background track by Sing King
    Original song "Say Something" by A Great Big World ft. Christina Aguilera

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