Hive Open Mic Week 164 || My Heart Will Trust (cover) by @jessicaossom

Hello Hive Open Mic Community, I am delighted to be here today. Due to some reasons, I couldn't participate in the community's weekly live performance last week.

I found out something terrible the day after my cousin's death was announced. I had to take a break from the community and take some time for myself. I needed to process what had happened and find ways to move forward. I'm grateful to be here today, and I'm looking forward to reconnecting with the Hive Open Mic Community.

As a result of experiencing these things, I have lost weight. These are things I only see in movies, but I never thought it would happen to me.

For the past few weeks, I've been confused, disappointed, and hurt.

At this point, I have no one to give me directions except God. I've been questioning my decisions and trying to make sense of the circumstances. I'm looking for clarity and guidance but I'm not sure where to turn. I am hoping that God will lead me in the right direction and provide me with the strength and courage to make the best decisions for myself.

I sometimes want to cry and release my pain, but I can't shed a tear no matter how hard I try. I know I should be grateful for the blessings in my life and find a way to accept my challenges. I'm trying to stay positive and trust that everything happens for a reason.

As a result of these emotional traumas, the death of my cousin, as well as the issues in my relationship, I have been unable to concentrate. The things I love to do don't interest me anymore.

The feeling always returns after a few seconds, even when I try to shake it out of my head.

Earlier today, I asked these why me? Why should I have to go through something like this? Each time I think about these things, I want to cry, yet I cannot.

No one can decide for me at this point. What will my final decision be? Everyone is waiting to hear from me.

There is a saying that life is a risk. I'm scared.

Many people reading this post may be wondering what I am talking about. I have made certain decisions in the past but only ended up regretting them. Unfortunately, I cannot go into details at this time.

Despite this, I am hopeful that I will be able to heal from these painful feelings. It is also my hope that I will be at peace regardless of what I decide.

Keeping my heart trusting in God for guidance, courage, and strength will be my forever goal.